Top Five Reasons Why There Should Never Be a Fifty Foot Michael Jackson Robot

It's about time we get on the current news thing. Check this out, or just read the top five, either way, you might end up crying.

5. There are Enough Fifty Foot Robots in Cartoons and Anime - Gundam, Evangelion, Robotech, the Big 'O, Gigantor... Need I go on? There is enough of this bull funky on TV, and I don't need Michael Jackson's twisted version of it corrupting my childhood.

4. The Materials Could Be Better Used For... Anything - Why waste our metal and engineer's time on something like this? They could build a spaceport, a recycling center, or a fucking concentration camp for all I care, as long as it isn't a robotic Michael Jackson.

3. Robots Always Go Rogue - Throughout the course of history, there has never been a robot that hasn't viciously slaughtered its creator and his fans. Not that killing Michael Jackson and his fans would be a bad thing, but you know, innocents might get hurt in the process, and as Americans it would look bad if the front page of the world news read, 'Giant Robot Grabs Crotch, Hits High Note, Levels City Block.'

2. It May Be a Sign of the Coming of the Apocalypse - Michael Jackson. Fifty foot robot. New album? World Destruction, end of story.

1. Michael Jackson is Fucking Creepy - A six foot Michael Jackson is bad enough, does the world really need him, of all people, to be enlarged to such a ridiculous proportion? And this isn't just a statue people, it's a fucking robot. It's going to wander around the desert molesting giant robotic little boys. Think of it like the Iron Giant. His goal is to befriend small children, and touch them, in that way that makes us all teary-eyed.