Top Five Uses for Boobs

5. Motorboatin' - The art of Motorboating has fascinated man since the beginning of time. Scientists theorize that the origins of Motorboating began in Aboriginal Australia. Soon to be an Olympic Sport, Motorboating is the act of burying your face between to bosoms and bathing in their glory, whilst blowing out of your sealed lips so you sound like a Motorboat. Trust me, I majored in it.

4. Thermometers - Is it cold in here, or are Siskel and Ebert givin' me two thumbs up?

3. Pillows - Have you ever seen a pair of gozangas that were so mountainous and rustic that you just want to take a vacation and nestle in their luscious valley, maybe set up camp and live off the land for awhile? Go forth and stake claim to the land your forefather's left for you.

2. Semen Reservoirs - Much like the Continental Divide, semen shall flow from high-points to the watersheds. Luckily, there are two wide receivers to keep the floor clean.

1. Beer Tray - There's a plethora of things that men need in their life. A cold brewhaha is by far the most important. Second most though, would be a pedestal that correctly dignifies, nay, glorifies the brewski. Tits, my friends, were invented by God to hold a beer.