Top Five Worst Parts of Drinking

Getting wasted is good. Being an alcoholic is bad. These are the top five worst parts of drinking, and hopefully we'll convince some people to just put the bottle down before they shit themselves, again.

5. Hangover - Although preventable or reduced by either induced yomiting (vomiting), water consumption before passy-outtie, or any number of other tricks (I hear drinking in moderation also helps, but fuck that), this is still a major downfall of drinking. You could have the greatest night of your life, and then wake up to find you're about to have the worst day of your life. You know something has gone awry when rock and roll and the sun make you want to die.

4. Unwarranted Destruction - You've done it, I've done it, someone else has probably done it. Broken something by accident, and by accident I mean drunken stupidity. When you don't know them, or if you don't like them it doesn't really matter, but when you break your friend's parent's Ride-Or-Be-Ridden sex toy, it's full on Bad News Bears.

3. Everyone Will Know You're a Light Weight - Not everyone can be Pat Himes... Or Sink Sean Reynolds. Try drinking slowly, or mixing your drinks lightly, but one of these days you're going to get wasted much faster than everyone else and you know what? They're all going to laugh at you, mainly because you have a small dick and wanted them to see, but regardless, you'll be the center of some very unwanted attention, and will probably end up being written, peed, and stacked upon.

2. Rape - It's either rape, or be raped. Or fondled. Or groped. Or molested. Bring roofies and keep a sharp eye on your drink, and try not to pass out while in the presence of a large black man named Buba, they always like young suburban man ass.

1. Overall Bad Decision Making - Tequila, girl, broken glass, cops, herpes. That's all that needs to be said.