He has new video footage of him somewhere... If you're interested in it, either look yourselves, or ask, I'm pretty sure I can find it. Anyways, top five things Nessy could be.
5. A Pocket of Gas Reflecting Light From Jupiter - Pockets of gas reflecting light have done more bizarre things than this. The Great Chicago Fire, the Titanic, Elvis, the Dark Ages. The list goes on!
4. A Big Fucking Dino-Fish - I'm no scientist, but that shits sick! I mean, if Nessy was real, yeah, that'd be the most balla thing this century, in terms of science. In terms of non-science, I am the most balla thing ever.
3. My Dick - What can I say? It's big... And scaly! And... Has somehow detached from my body and has been roaming Scotland for longer than I have been alive. Yeah, my penis is just that good. (Who didn't see that one coming? Seriously.)
2. Queen Elizabeth II's Disowned Child - She doesn't want to talk about it, and neither do I! Well, actually I do. It was back in the 40's, she was 39 and a cougar if ever I were to see one. We were at this party... Lots and lots of booze. Long story short, she went naked in the big ass prehistoric fish tank.
1. A Giant Sentient Extraterrestrial Turd - You may not understand why now, but someday, when we have the technology, we will be able to make our turds sentient too. The possibilities of turds are endless! First they will be the next generation of Pet Rocks, and then sentient turds will replace soldiers and workers. Soon after, cybernetic turds. That's when we can stop working, and let our shit do our work for us. Sink! As for what's in the lake? That's a big fucking dookie with eyes from Mars. They're just keeping an eye on the Scottish. Something we should all try to do. They're tricky bastards.
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