Inspired by the recent, dare I call them attacks, on Peee and myself for not updating, here is our combined list of 5 (we had to cut it down from about 57) reasons Neeee updates the most.
5. We Don't Need the Top Five to Get Chicks - Now don't get me wrong, if this thing gets Neeee chicks, good for him. But the truth is, Peee and I don't need the Top Five to get girls. Does it help? Sure! But so do charisma and wit, something neither Peee nor myself contain, but manage to get the job done without anyways.
4. It's Easy to Type From the Catcher Position - What else is he gonna do while he's down there? Notice the last few posts have been about Peee and I? Why do you think that is? Think about it...
3. He Needs Something to Do - In between playing Pokemon and Guitar Hero, that is.
2. He Can't Maintain an Erection - While me and Peee are doing Marathon Eiffel Tower's on underage biddies, Nick spends his time writing Top Fives with misplaced hope that Thumper will stir in his pants one of these days.
1. His Mom Thinks it Makes Him Seem "Cool" - And moms always know what's cool. I mean, think about your mom, she's cool right? ...Right?
Sub Point - Virtual "friends" are all that make his otherwise flaccid existence valid.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Top Five Reasons Why Peeee and Pettinphile Won't Write Top Fives
I figured I'd continue on with yesterday's. And no harm intended, this is just for fun folks, I'm just slamming these guys to get a laugh.
5. Cleverness is Not Their Forte - They're not even allowed to watch Yo Momma, let alone try to construct a yo momma joke on their own.
4. They Don't Have The Testicular Fortitude - You think this is easy? My balls are coated with lead (all natural), and they're about the size of a watermelon. Why can't you see them? I hide them in my ass.
3. They Have Better Things to Do - Like men, each other, little boys, and eat sperm. Did I mention they're gay?
2. They're Both Gay - With each other. I've never seen DA (Double Anal) before, until I met these queefs. Their breath is ass-tastic, and their balls are clean enough to eat off of (Because they suck them so hard, for the tards that didn't get it). What does this have to do with them not doing Top Fives? Women scare them, and they don't want to do anything that might attract them.
1. They Could Care Less About You - This whole thing, everything this is, is for you guys. The readers. I don't do this because it makes me cum (that's just a benefit), I do this because you guys told me that you liked it and wanted more. But these two fucks? I saw a guy tell them he liked Top Fives, and they immediately started shitting on him.
5. Cleverness is Not Their Forte - They're not even allowed to watch Yo Momma, let alone try to construct a yo momma joke on their own.
4. They Don't Have The Testicular Fortitude - You think this is easy? My balls are coated with lead (all natural), and they're about the size of a watermelon. Why can't you see them? I hide them in my ass.
3. They Have Better Things to Do - Like men, each other, little boys, and eat sperm. Did I mention they're gay?
2. They're Both Gay - With each other. I've never seen DA (Double Anal) before, until I met these queefs. Their breath is ass-tastic, and their balls are clean enough to eat off of (Because they suck them so hard, for the tards that didn't get it). What does this have to do with them not doing Top Fives? Women scare them, and they don't want to do anything that might attract them.
1. They Could Care Less About You - This whole thing, everything this is, is for you guys. The readers. I don't do this because it makes me cum (that's just a benefit), I do this because you guys told me that you liked it and wanted more. But these two fucks? I saw a guy tell them he liked Top Fives, and they immediately started shitting on him.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Top Five Reasons Peeee or Pettinphile Should Do a Top Five
You want a new top five? You got it.
5. I Write Most of These - Seriously. Wasn't this a joint effort in the beginz0r? Step up to the plate, boys. If this were Halo, I'd be running around with teh sniper and going on killing sprees while you two would be shooting walls and each other.
4. They Could Get The Girls - You all know of my extensive sex life and all the p00nani I get. Maybe these two shmucks can hop on the wetness train and join me. It's lonely in the middle of the five some when you're the only guy. Wait, no it isn't.
3. It's Like Cumming - It's like having sex with a woman and cumming to me.
2. All Hope Might Be Lost - This blog inspires. It inspires and encourages justice, honor, glory, prejudice and sexism. What would the world do without us reminding them that women don't have rights, or that getting stabbed in the heart is balla? Tragic, my friends. Tragic.
1. I Will Crush Them - I weigh more than both of them combined. My dick alone weighs almost as much as Peeee. My fists could rip out the souls of inmates, so they'll have no trouble tearing out these two's balls through their lower lips. Don't bother running or hiding. I can smell you.
5. I Write Most of These - Seriously. Wasn't this a joint effort in the beginz0r? Step up to the plate, boys. If this were Halo, I'd be running around with teh sniper and going on killing sprees while you two would be shooting walls and each other.
4. They Could Get The Girls - You all know of my extensive sex life and all the p00nani I get. Maybe these two shmucks can hop on the wetness train and join me. It's lonely in the middle of the five some when you're the only guy. Wait, no it isn't.
3. It's Like Cumming - It's like having sex with a woman and cumming to me.
2. All Hope Might Be Lost - This blog inspires. It inspires and encourages justice, honor, glory, prejudice and sexism. What would the world do without us reminding them that women don't have rights, or that getting stabbed in the heart is balla? Tragic, my friends. Tragic.
1. I Will Crush Them - I weigh more than both of them combined. My dick alone weighs almost as much as Peeee. My fists could rip out the souls of inmates, so they'll have no trouble tearing out these two's balls through their lower lips. Don't bother running or hiding. I can smell you.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Top Five Things to Replace Your Arms
Arms are gay, top five, GO!
5. Bubble Blowers - You'll be the life of the park until the kids inhale or ingest your bubble goodness, then you'll be explaining yourself to a judge.
4. Blades - This is the most obvious choice. I cannot mention any names, but some of you know who I'm talking about. As a side note, if you haven't already seen 300, see it, and send me your testosterone droplets. They aren't tears, damn it!
3. Nothing - Be an amputee and collect disability insurance, it's all the rage.
2. Hydraulic Dildos - No explanation is required here.
1. Tap and Keg - Strap a keg onto your side, run some minor tubes through your body, and add a sick neon tap to the other side and you'll be partying in no time. Now, all that beer will be pumped through your system, so be prepared to be wasted. Very wasted. All the time.
What didn't make the list:
TVs - What is this, Pimp My Ride?
Rockets - Overdone.
The Olsen Twins - Too risque.
Wings - Gay, I'm too fat to fly anyways.
5. Bubble Blowers - You'll be the life of the park until the kids inhale or ingest your bubble goodness, then you'll be explaining yourself to a judge.
4. Blades - This is the most obvious choice. I cannot mention any names, but some of you know who I'm talking about. As a side note, if you haven't already seen 300, see it, and send me your testosterone droplets. They aren't tears, damn it!
3. Nothing - Be an amputee and collect disability insurance, it's all the rage.
2. Hydraulic Dildos - No explanation is required here.
1. Tap and Keg - Strap a keg onto your side, run some minor tubes through your body, and add a sick neon tap to the other side and you'll be partying in no time. Now, all that beer will be pumped through your system, so be prepared to be wasted. Very wasted. All the time.
What didn't make the list:
TVs - What is this, Pimp My Ride?
Rockets - Overdone.
The Olsen Twins - Too risque.
Wings - Gay, I'm too fat to fly anyways.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Top Five Things to Do With Pennies
Honestly, pennies suck ass. They're going to be gone soon and what are we, the people, going to do with our enormous collections of worthless copper? Here's where Daily Top Fives comes into your daily lives, this is Top Five Things to do with Pennies.
5. Melt Them Down - They're worth more as copper piping than they are as pennies, why not get their worth out of them? A word of caution, however; consult a professional, Daily Top Fives is not responsible for accidents caused when attempting melting down of pennies.
4. Pay 25 Cents to Have One Squished Into Something - A picture is worth a thousand words, a flat penny with a symbol stamped on is only worth 25 cents, plus a penny.
3. Put One in Your Nose - We're all children on the inside, some of us more than others. So start the car as your prepare to send that coin to where only your finger has been.
2. Trick Your Little Brother - You know the routine, "Wanna see something cool? Stick the penny in the socket. Yeah, trust me, it's wicked cool. Oh it hurt? You did it wrong, it's the other hole." ROFLCOPTERS ensues.
1. Construct a Gun the Fires Them - It'll be like a BB only... A penny. Advantages over BBs? Uhh... Less accurate, more costly, funnier.
Other things that didn't make the cut:
Super glue them to the sidewalk or floor and watch poor people try to pick them up.
Throw hand fulls at people you don't like.
Make a statue out of them.
Fill two bags with them and tie them together, making some kind of flail/nun-chuck weapon.
5. Melt Them Down - They're worth more as copper piping than they are as pennies, why not get their worth out of them? A word of caution, however; consult a professional, Daily Top Fives is not responsible for accidents caused when attempting melting down of pennies.
4. Pay 25 Cents to Have One Squished Into Something - A picture is worth a thousand words, a flat penny with a symbol stamped on is only worth 25 cents, plus a penny.
3. Put One in Your Nose - We're all children on the inside, some of us more than others. So start the car as your prepare to send that coin to where only your finger has been.
2. Trick Your Little Brother - You know the routine, "Wanna see something cool? Stick the penny in the socket. Yeah, trust me, it's wicked cool. Oh it hurt? You did it wrong, it's the other hole." ROFLCOPTERS ensues.
1. Construct a Gun the Fires Them - It'll be like a BB only... A penny. Advantages over BBs? Uhh... Less accurate, more costly, funnier.
Other things that didn't make the cut:
Super glue them to the sidewalk or floor and watch poor people try to pick them up.
Throw hand fulls at people you don't like.
Make a statue out of them.
Fill two bags with them and tie them together, making some kind of flail/nun-chuck weapon.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Top Five Worst Shit Types
Sorry about the delay, but after some encouragement from silent fans, I've decided to get back up and continue writing. This particular top five might cause vomiting in the weak of stomach, so I caution you to only continue if you think you can handle it. I don't allow vomiting on my blog.
5. Meltdown - Taco Bell or Mexican food often has this effect on people. It has many names, and many consistencies but there is one thing they all have in common; you're going to be using quite a bit of toilet paper.
4. Sequels/Trilogies - I have a personal grudge against this three part episode, but we're not going to get into that. The trilogy is when you know you got to go big, but when you go, it is but a portion of the beast within. It will take either two or three trips to the restroom before you're done, and while each portion is different, the beginning has remnants of the prior shit.
3. Brick - Massive, rock hard, unforgiving. No, I'm not talking about my genitals, although I could be. Not. Anyways, this shit has been known to cause rectal bleeding and crying in small children. Be cautious, sometimes it's better to let this bad boy slide out when he's ready than to cram him through your porthole.
2. Toxic - This is the shit where you walk into the public bathroom and say, "AUGH, what died in here?" As you realize what you've done, you ashamedly rush to wipe and leave before someone close to you finds out that you dropped the bomb right before he went in.
1. Jalapeño - It's spicy, and by no means friendly. No matter the consistency or the amount, this irritating shit leaves your butthole burning long after you've flushed it's remains to shit hell.
5. Meltdown - Taco Bell or Mexican food often has this effect on people. It has many names, and many consistencies but there is one thing they all have in common; you're going to be using quite a bit of toilet paper.
4. Sequels/Trilogies - I have a personal grudge against this three part episode, but we're not going to get into that. The trilogy is when you know you got to go big, but when you go, it is but a portion of the beast within. It will take either two or three trips to the restroom before you're done, and while each portion is different, the beginning has remnants of the prior shit.
3. Brick - Massive, rock hard, unforgiving. No, I'm not talking about my genitals, although I could be. Not. Anyways, this shit has been known to cause rectal bleeding and crying in small children. Be cautious, sometimes it's better to let this bad boy slide out when he's ready than to cram him through your porthole.
2. Toxic - This is the shit where you walk into the public bathroom and say, "AUGH, what died in here?" As you realize what you've done, you ashamedly rush to wipe and leave before someone close to you finds out that you dropped the bomb right before he went in.
1. Jalapeño - It's spicy, and by no means friendly. No matter the consistency or the amount, this irritating shit leaves your butthole burning long after you've flushed it's remains to shit hell.
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