Neeee's Top Five Most Embarassing Moments

This is just a quickly thought up top five concerning my personal life. Oh, and all of these did happen, by the way. No bullshit today! Enjoy.

5. Father Confronting me About Porn Sites - I was... I think eleven? Maybe a little more, maybe a little less. I was just starting to delve into my porn obsession, when my father had a little chat with me one day about how he's been seeing porn in the history on the computer. "History? The fuck is that?" I thought to myself at the time. Of course, I blamed it all on my brother... He didn't buy it.

4. Kids Asking Me if I Masturbated - I had just moved to a new town, I was thirteen or fourteen. I was very withdrawn and depressed after the move and had no real friends. After awhile, the kids who sat in the back of the bus invited me into their domain. I complied, but still didn't talk much. One day, they were talking about masturbating and the entire time I was looking out the window thinking, "For the love of God don't talk to me, please if there is a kind and merciful God, don't let them talk to me." At this point in my life, I wasn't very open with my sexuality, it was still a taboo subject with me. I suppose you figured out they asked me, since it's the title of this section. One of the only girls, turned to me and asked me if I masturbated. I stuttered and said, "N... No." My face then became a shade of red I don't think exists in nature. She then declared to everyone that I was lying, and I think I blocked the rest out of my memory.

3. Brother Almost Catching me Masturbating - You know the story, you're in your room having a good time during the day, because for some reason you can't wait until night, and suddenly you hear footsteps right outside your door. Well, I was on my computer so I threw my shirt over my night stick, and hunched over like I was looking at something on the floor as the door opened. There is no way he didn't know what I was doing. He must have noticed my quick movements, and while he was talking there were muffled sounds on the computer, accompanied by rapid clicks, as I remained hunched over, but continued to stare at the screen. I appreciated the fact that he kept our encounter brief. And yes, I did continue afterwards.

2. Mother Almost Catching me Masturbating - No, this isn't the same story as the previous one. Why? Because the first sound I heard was my door knob turning, so the only thing helping me out is my bent over body, which doesn't help much. Also, she insisted on talking to me for a good five minutes while I was bent over my whang, probably red in the face. The only thing that saved me was the fact that she didn't really enter my room, but just stayed in the doorway. If she had taken two steps... She would have been really impressed.

1. Getting Sung Happy Birthday at Applebees - I swear, there is nothing worse than going to a restaurant and having a group of strangers sing Happy Birthday to you, while another, larger, group of people watch it. Especially when you didn't see it coming at all. I mean, my birthday was in two weeks, why would they? Oh, just to embarrass me. Thanks mom and dad, I'm going to go to the bathroom now and slit my wrists. This is the reason why I make a rule to never go out to eat within a month of my birthday. Never again.