Its Easter Sunday, and the management here at Top Fives decided to save you from having to go to your Easter Church Service by writing down the highlights of what your priest/pastor is going to say. Without further Adieu, here is our Easter edition:
5. It's Better than Slim Fast - Its almost Bikini season, and you gotta reduce those size of those thighs. You could try cutting down on fats and complex carbs, or you could get crucified, dead, and buried. In a few days, you will walk the earth again, able to fit into that Speedo of yours. My brother was resurrected, and he looks GREAT.(Editors Note: Stock up on Axe. The Decaying Flesh scent does not attract ladies.)
4. New Body, No More Herpes - Its a general rule that when resurrected, you are working with a clean slate. Finally you can live down that weekend in Tijuana.
3. Prove Your Lineage - Resurrected people tend to be big deals. If you get resurrected, you must put the Capital B in Boss.
2. Makes a Great Party Trick - That week you spent at Magic Camp has not helped you in your quest to impress your peers. Next time you are at a gathering, find a suitable way to die, then come back to life. Bitches dig that shit.
1. You get to Fucking Live Again - Resurrection is another excuse to do the same stupid shit that got you killed in the first place.
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