Oh shit! Is this another Top Five? Are we back? Well I fucking guess, since that's the title, asshole.
5. I Can't Take the Complaints - "When are you going to make another Top Five?" Well, I haven't made one in over two months and didn't plan on making another ever again, but just since you asked, I'm going to do one right fucking now. Homeless people come up to me on the street and beg me to give them a Top fucking Two, and I just can't take that shit no more.
4. Because I Can Write Them at Work - What? Do you care if I waste company time and money writing these? That's right, you don't. It's not like it matters anyways, I'll only work on them during lunch, or any other part of the day when I'm not working. Sink!
3. I Need Bitches - I'd hate to admit it, but this shit gets girls more ready for sex than a roofie, and I need that kind of backup when I'm going in for the kill. I've been flaccid and lonely for too long, it's time for the hardening!
2. People Actually Enjoy Reading These - As much as I'd like to think otherwise, there are at least... Four people who like it, and making their day, can make my day that much better. They'll also help me when I'm convicted of rape. Right guys?
1. We're the Chosen Ones - No, seriously. I was talking to God the other day and he was like, "You do know that you guys are the Chosen, right?" And I was like, "Well... That would explain a lot of things, including my manhood and its excessive largeness." So, long story short, short story long (my whang), we're going to save you guys from certain doom. You can log that one in your diaries and have wet dreams about it.
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2 comments:
This return can only be described as righteous justice of epic glory.
i'd love to help you when you're in jail for rape.... but i'll be the sorry loser who's in there with you. but whatev... that 12 year old had it coming to him... i mean... what? sink!
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